WOW!!! I have not written a blog in over a year!!!! That is unreal!!! I will never do that again. There has been way too much that has happened for me to back track, so we will start from present day.
My husband and I are doing pretty good. Yes, we have had our ups and downs, but overall, the marriage is a happy one. I still have my frustrations, but I try to pray through them constantly. In nine days, our family will be leaving for Tampa, Florida, for two days, and then we will sail on Carnival Paradise for five days to Cozumel, Mexico. I am so excited because I have never been on a cruise before. Neither has my parents, my sister, or my little man. We wanted my brother to go, but since he has hooked up with his voodoo queen in Louisiana, it seems as though he has become more and more distant from us. He dropped a bombshell on us about a month ago and informed us that he would be moving to Louisiana, and his intentions are to take his children with him. I can't see that happening because my sister-in-law, although she hasn't admitted it, is probably going to move to Virginia, and take the children with her. Personally, I believe the children are better off with my husband and I, even though I know that is not an option. My brother is brainwashed, and he wants his children to grow up to believe as he does. I'm not even sure if he believes in Jesus Christ anymore, but I do believe whatever religion he is attached to is nothing short of a cult following. I do not want my niece and nephew being raised in that type of environment. Additionally, his pretend wife ( I call her that because they claim to be married, even though he is still married) already has four children of her own. How can they afford to support six children when she works at Radio Shack and my brother won't have a job? Also, Louisiana has by far the worst school system in the nation, along with one of the highest poverty rates and crime rates. My sister-in-law is no better. Someone evidently told her that she is America's Next Top Model, because she dresses like it. Expensive shoes, clothes, earrings, and purses, yet your children look like they are homeless. She never bathes them, and my niece's hair is horrendous. I constantly pray because I don't know what the future holds for any of them.
My little man will be six next month!!!! I can't believe it!!! He has grown to be a very handsome and intelligent little boy. He is full of energy with a vocabulary that has me scratching my head at times, and I love him more and more every day. I pray for him and all children to continue to do as God sees fit, and to keep a level head on their shoulders throughout life. I also pray for my step-sons, because for their ages, to me, they are very immature. The oldest one tries to be a thug, but he fails miserably at it. He has a gun, and thinks it's cool. He drives too fast and blasts his music way too loud. Oh, and did I mention he is a father? The little girl is five-years-old, and sometimes I feel as though he tries to throw up in my face that she is my husband's heart. Yeah, she is his heart alright. The first time that little girl came over to our house was Memorial Day. We never see her when we travel to see his family, but she is his heart. No, there are jealously issues because of my son, but do you know what I say to that.....SUCK IT!!!! Bring your daughter around more often and she might have his heart then, but until then, he can kiss my grits. My husband's sons think that they are my son's age sometimes, I promise you. The youngest one is in college and is a preacher-in-training, yet he is the most irresponsible person I know. He has two jobs but he never keeps any money, so he calls his Dad to help him out. I can understand once in a while, but gee whiz. He just had to go college after dropping out five years ago, but he should have gotten a job, and gone to either night school or online school, like we all have had to do. But oh well. I try to stay out of it, because it's not like I don't love them, but to me they use their Dad, and when they use him, they use me. Plus, they have their Mom, but she doesn't do anything to help so there goes that.
Thankfully, my sister made it home from Afghanistan. I miss her terribly because she is now stationed in South Carolina, but I would much rather have her there than overseas. Her retirement is nearing in a couple of years, and I can't wait!!
My parents seem to be doing okay, but I still experience pangs of anger and frustration because sometimes I secretly wish that my mother had not taken my father back for the umpteenth time. I also feel as though my brother took some negative traits from my father as far as how my father treated my mother. But, I have to let that go and only hope that my husband continues to be the best possible father to our son that he can be, along with being a good husband for me.
Aside from all of that, I am still employed as a deputy sheriff, and I celebrated (HaHa) my five-year anniversary in April. I am thankful for my employment, but some days I feel as though I can do better. But I have to get that degree in my hand, which I am 49 credits from obtaining.
Whew!! That was a lot, but I am going to try to write at least once a week so that I don't have to play catch-up too many times. Until next time......
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Too late bitch!
Okay, I know I need to stop cursing so much, but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. Yesterday morning, my entire family came over to our house because my husband needed my father and brother's help moving our two sofas from the upstairs living room to the basement, and the sofa that was downstairs upstairs. So everyone came over, including my sister, my mother, and my niece and nephew. My husband bought everyone breakfast, and all was well, even though I was sleepy because I had just gotten off from work. After everyone ate and the furniture was moved, my husband took my parents around the corner to a yard sale where there were thousands of miniature vintage cars and other things for sale. I was sitting in the living room with my sister and the kids when I heard my husband's phone begin to ring. I wasn't going to answer it, but I wanted to see who was calling because I figured it was his job. Boy, was I wrong. It was, of course, his ex. Later, once everyone had left the house, including my husband and Little Man (they left for work), I let him know that she called. He replied that she didn't want anything, she was probably just calling to let him know that she received the decal for her truck that he had mailed the previous week. I told him that he still needed to call her back. He insisted that she didn't want anything because if it were an emergency she would have left a message. Well, my thing is that by not returning her phone call, my husband is leaving the door open for her to continue to call, and that shit ain't happening. So he called her back, and he was right: she wanted to thank him for sending the decal. But, she also wanted to ask him how he was doing, how his family was doing, and to let him know that she drove down to South Georgia the previous day and her step-father was asking about him. That's odd, because this is the same step-father who supposedly allowed his son to practically rape her when she was growing up. For someone who was traumatized as a child because of this, she sures does spend a lot of time visiting him. That's how I know she is full of shit. She lied to my husband for years and years and he fell for it. She also let this monster of a man walk her down the aisle when her and my husband got married. Her father was on her left arm, and her step-father was on her right arm. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is true. Why would a person want to be around someone who did this to them? I know that we must forgive, but I would not want to be around a person that subjected me to sexual abuse. Now that she is struggling, I know that she is kicking herself in the ass for throwing my husband out. That's why she wants to make small talk with my husband. She didn't want to be married to him, but she still needs him financially. Bitch please. He has a family that he is perfectly content with, and he would be absolutely insane to ruin this marriage for someone like her. If he is going to step out, step up not down. Although I do not believe that she truly loved him, he made her feel comfortable by providing for her financially. She had no worries as long as my husband was around, but now, her two jobs are kicking her in the ass. McDonald's and Wendy's. Bitch, you go home smelling like fries every fucking night! Well, sorry, but there is literally a new sheriff in town. I believe the main reason for her phone call is that she is trying to be slick and worm her way back in my husband's life. If she had even the slightest decency about herself, she would have apologized to my husband for cursing him out after his mother's funeral. But when you don't have a conscience, things of that nature do not bother a person.
People may ask me how I can be so sure that my husband would not want to return to his ex. Here are a few reasons why:
1. Why would he want to return to someone that has absolutely no ambition? His ex had the opportunity to return to school and earn her G.E.D. when she received a settlement of $160,000 from her workplace (which I believe she set-up), but she blew that money in about a year
2. She defines the term ghetto-fabulous
3. She is perfectly content working at McDonald's and Wendy's. Don't you want to do better?
4. She was not there for my husband when he experienced one of the most tragic losses a person can experience (the loss of one's mother). Granted, she was there for his father's death, but she was acting stupid back then.
5. Over the course of their relationship, my husband blew close to $30000 on her, but since we have been together, his finances are on track and he is doing well financially.
The bottom line is, although I know I am not all of that, I am what my husband needs and desires in his life. As he has stated, he wishes that he had met me first, because all of the heartache and pain that his ex put him through would have never occurred. She needs to stop worrying about my husband and begin worrying about where her next meal will be coming from, which will probably be a double stack from Wendy's and a chicken selects meal from Micky D's!! (Lord forgive me, because I know that was wrong, but she really needs to kick rocks).
People may ask me how I can be so sure that my husband would not want to return to his ex. Here are a few reasons why:
1. Why would he want to return to someone that has absolutely no ambition? His ex had the opportunity to return to school and earn her G.E.D. when she received a settlement of $160,000 from her workplace (which I believe she set-up), but she blew that money in about a year
2. She defines the term ghetto-fabulous
3. She is perfectly content working at McDonald's and Wendy's. Don't you want to do better?
4. She was not there for my husband when he experienced one of the most tragic losses a person can experience (the loss of one's mother). Granted, she was there for his father's death, but she was acting stupid back then.
5. Over the course of their relationship, my husband blew close to $30000 on her, but since we have been together, his finances are on track and he is doing well financially.
The bottom line is, although I know I am not all of that, I am what my husband needs and desires in his life. As he has stated, he wishes that he had met me first, because all of the heartache and pain that his ex put him through would have never occurred. She needs to stop worrying about my husband and begin worrying about where her next meal will be coming from, which will probably be a double stack from Wendy's and a chicken selects meal from Micky D's!! (Lord forgive me, because I know that was wrong, but she really needs to kick rocks).
Monday, May 30, 2011
Nah baby, I'm not gonna be able to do it!
Hello there! It's been a minute since I have written a blog. What brings me to the forum this morning is my life's current situation. I am so sick and tired of the "one minute I'm happy, the next minute I'm not." It has become increasingly difficult for me to tolerate my husband. Granted, he is the greatest dad in the world for Little Man, but husband wise is a different story. Don't get me wrong, I have my faults, and a lot of them. However, my husband has many faults and to me, he doesn't even attempt to correct them. My husband and Little Man were gone all day yesterday, and while I found myself longing for Little Man's return, I found myself dreading my husband's return. He had the nerve to ask me when they were on the way home if I would give him some since Little Man was fast asleep. Nah baby, I'm not gonna be able to do it! They didn't arrive home until 10:30 p. m. and I try to leave the house a little before 11:00 p. m. to head to work. Then he said, "But I want you." I don't give a fuck if you want me or not, I'm not giving you any! Men are so inconsiderate. My husband is one of the biggest gossipers in his family, so I assumed that he told his family that we are going out of town on Thursday. He said no, that he was running his mouth about other things like their mother and things of that nature. I understand that, but it's just the way he made the statement as if our trip doesn't mean a damn thing. You know, this sounds terrible, but I am hoping that he gets so angry at me that he decides to stay home. That would do me a world of good right now. He told me that it is on his things to do list to get a life insurance policy started, but I told him don't bother. My mother will be the beneficiary of my policy, and that's the bottom line. We have been married for a year and a half, and if I hadn't flipped out on him this weekend about not having a life insurance policy, he wouldn't be doing it now. It's all good. He told me that the reason he hadn't done it before now is because he got sidetracked in November with his mother's sudden passing. He is full of shit. We had been married almost a year when his mother passed away, so what happened from November 2009-November 2010? My husband is going to look up, and he is going to be by himself. Maybe it is a blessing that his name is on his exes house, because if his name were on mine and we split, I would be in a jam. I am praying that God gives me patience in this situation, because I do not wish to get a divorce, but I truly have reached my wits end with him. And he says that there is no cheating or abuse going on. But that shit doesn't matter. Just because those events are not occurring in our marriage does not mean that we have a happy one. And quite frankly, the way I feel right now, I was happier when I was by my damn self.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Here's your Explorer Bitch!
I have been doing a whole hell of a lot of cussing lately, and the scary thing is, I am beginning to enjoy it. Well, finally after my husband has paid $441.72 a month for the last 60 months, he made the final payment on his ex-wife's Explorer. If I were him, I would have never agreed to pay for it during the divorce settlement, but my husband is way too nice. I would have turned the car over to her and forced her to re-finance it in her name. But it's all good because that is over and done with. It is a 2004 so she should be good to go for a while, but trust me, maintenance issues are over the horizon. God forgive me for saying that. I am not wishing anything bad upon her, but that woman is something else.
In other news, hopefully in two weeks we can begin finishing our basement. The men that are going to re-finish it are doing so at a kick ass price. Doing so will add a family room, office, and a bathroom, so Victoria, when y'all come and visit, there will be plenty of room.
I am going on five months with no relaxer, and although I am loving my new growth, overall my hair is a hot ass mess. I am going to get it done next Friday though.
So long for now. I am sleepy once again at work. This morning watch shift is for the birds............
In other news, hopefully in two weeks we can begin finishing our basement. The men that are going to re-finish it are doing so at a kick ass price. Doing so will add a family room, office, and a bathroom, so Victoria, when y'all come and visit, there will be plenty of room.
I am going on five months with no relaxer, and although I am loving my new growth, overall my hair is a hot ass mess. I am going to get it done next Friday though.
So long for now. I am sleepy once again at work. This morning watch shift is for the birds............
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Slap a Ho!
Hello All:
I am soooooooooooo sleepy! I have been awake since 0635 yesterday morning, and my ass is still awake because I am working. Five more hours to go and I will be home free!
Yesterday was interesting enough. Of course we went to visit my husband's family (1 and a 1/2 hours away). Truthfully, I do not like being around his family (Victoria Page knows why). I feel very uncomfortable around them, and I'm not sure whether they believe it was my fault that him and his ex-wife split (she threw him out) or if they liked her better than me, but let the truth be told, I don't give a fuck! Those bitches don't know who they are fucking with. I get paid for people to hate me, so why do a give a shit whether they do or not. My husband's sisters and nieces are a bunch of pill-poppin', dope smokin', dried up witches. I'm not using their brother and uncle...I was established years before him and I got together. Yeah bitches, that Honda you see me pushing is in my mother fuckin' name!!!
I don't think I have cussed this much in writing in my entire life, but once again they have managed to piss me off. We went over to his sister's house, and his youngest sister is one that I cannot stand. She disrespected me in my own home by telling me that I should not have been friend's with my husband while him and his wife were dating, yet your husband moved out on you, tried to move in with the woman he was sleeping with, and when she didn't want him, you took his sorry ass back. I never did anything wrong. My husband needed an outlet at the time, and his stupid ass ex treated him like shit so he found comfort in talking and confiding in me. Why didn't he just drop me and talk to you stupid bitches? Exactly my point. Y'all never have been and never will be able to touch me.
Anyway, I was sitting at the table with my husband's sisters when in walks his niece (another bitch I can't stand). I guess I was supposed to speak to her, and when I didn't say shit to her the entire time we were there, she must have gotten pissed off. I went to use the restroom, and when I was finished, my husband's sister was facing me and his niece had her back to me. My husband's sister was staring hard at me while I approached them, and I could hear them whispering. I'm not 100% sure, but I am almost certain that they were speaking about me because when I walked up on them the conversation shifted to hair. So y'all have to whisper about hair? Please. If you all were all of that, you would talk about me loudly and proudly instead of whispering shit behind my back. So I ask, who is the bitch now? I hope we have a cookout and my husband invites his family up. Oops, I forgot, most of their licenses are suspended or revoked, or they are just too lazy to drive. They will probably take a charter bus to our house. Anyway, when those bitches arrive, you'd better believe that I am going to act like a damn fool. Y'all can disrespect me in your own house and even your own town for that matter, but mine? Try me. Like Char said on The Bad Girls Club, "Play wit it!" LOL!
I feel so much better now that I have typed this because that shit has been eating at me since last night. It's not the point that they don't like me, but when you have no reason to? It's crazy. The people that I do not like or communicate with are ones that have severely mistreated me at some point in my life. I feel great, and it is my mission in life to rub everything in their faces. I want them to hate me because they use up all of their energy doing so.
Victoria, I know you are going to get a kick out of this. Can't wait to talk to ya!
I am soooooooooooo sleepy! I have been awake since 0635 yesterday morning, and my ass is still awake because I am working. Five more hours to go and I will be home free!
Yesterday was interesting enough. Of course we went to visit my husband's family (1 and a 1/2 hours away). Truthfully, I do not like being around his family (Victoria Page knows why). I feel very uncomfortable around them, and I'm not sure whether they believe it was my fault that him and his ex-wife split (she threw him out) or if they liked her better than me, but let the truth be told, I don't give a fuck! Those bitches don't know who they are fucking with. I get paid for people to hate me, so why do a give a shit whether they do or not. My husband's sisters and nieces are a bunch of pill-poppin', dope smokin', dried up witches. I'm not using their brother and uncle...I was established years before him and I got together. Yeah bitches, that Honda you see me pushing is in my mother fuckin' name!!!
I don't think I have cussed this much in writing in my entire life, but once again they have managed to piss me off. We went over to his sister's house, and his youngest sister is one that I cannot stand. She disrespected me in my own home by telling me that I should not have been friend's with my husband while him and his wife were dating, yet your husband moved out on you, tried to move in with the woman he was sleeping with, and when she didn't want him, you took his sorry ass back. I never did anything wrong. My husband needed an outlet at the time, and his stupid ass ex treated him like shit so he found comfort in talking and confiding in me. Why didn't he just drop me and talk to you stupid bitches? Exactly my point. Y'all never have been and never will be able to touch me.
Anyway, I was sitting at the table with my husband's sisters when in walks his niece (another bitch I can't stand). I guess I was supposed to speak to her, and when I didn't say shit to her the entire time we were there, she must have gotten pissed off. I went to use the restroom, and when I was finished, my husband's sister was facing me and his niece had her back to me. My husband's sister was staring hard at me while I approached them, and I could hear them whispering. I'm not 100% sure, but I am almost certain that they were speaking about me because when I walked up on them the conversation shifted to hair. So y'all have to whisper about hair? Please. If you all were all of that, you would talk about me loudly and proudly instead of whispering shit behind my back. So I ask, who is the bitch now? I hope we have a cookout and my husband invites his family up. Oops, I forgot, most of their licenses are suspended or revoked, or they are just too lazy to drive. They will probably take a charter bus to our house. Anyway, when those bitches arrive, you'd better believe that I am going to act like a damn fool. Y'all can disrespect me in your own house and even your own town for that matter, but mine? Try me. Like Char said on The Bad Girls Club, "Play wit it!" LOL!
I feel so much better now that I have typed this because that shit has been eating at me since last night. It's not the point that they don't like me, but when you have no reason to? It's crazy. The people that I do not like or communicate with are ones that have severely mistreated me at some point in my life. I feel great, and it is my mission in life to rub everything in their faces. I want them to hate me because they use up all of their energy doing so.
Victoria, I know you are going to get a kick out of this. Can't wait to talk to ya!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Making love on Friday night, then making war on Saturday!
Well, here I am again, and I honestly don't know how to feel at the moment. Thursday night was an exhale type of experience for me because I was able to vent to my bestie, Ms. Victoria!! I felt so good afterwards. The biggest relief for me was finally being able to tell someone how my husband's ex-wife had told me almost eight years ago that she hated me and that if I were to die she wouldn't care, nor would she care how my parents felt. For someone to direct words of that nature towards you is earth shattering. I never did anything for her to say that to me. She was upset because she thought that I had told my husband that she was cheating on him, but I never said anything close to that. My husband already knew of all of the dirt that she was doing, but he chose to stay with her in any case. If I had told him anything, it would not have come as a surprise to him.
The next night, Friday night, was awesome for my husband and I. We had an extremely passionate love making session. He loves when I am on top of him, and I love it just as much. And afterwards, even when we both are dog tired, he still slides me to the edge of the bed, gets down on his knees, and, well, you know (sorry for t.m.i.)! LOL! But it was fantastic. It is nothing like making love so good to the point where you feel like or actually start crying. Unfortunately the next morning all hell broke loose. I'm not even sure what happened. My husband has a habit of asking me what is wrong every five minutes if I happen to be quiet. Granted, we both love to talk, but sometimes I feel like being quiet. He'll keep asking me and asking me what is wrong, and each time I tell him nothing, but my answers are never good enough for him. We went and had breakfast with our son, did a little shopping, and returned home. I did my hair, and he cut our son's hair. Our son and I took a nice nap while my husband went to the grocery store. When I woke up, my husband was cooking dinner. He was frying catfish, and although I love catfish, I wasn't in the mood for it at the time, so I fixed a sandwich. Of course this made my husband upset. So the next thing I know, I go to take a bite of the sandwich, and my husband picks it up and throws it in the garbage. Okay, I am a sucker for fried red link sandwiches, so when he did this, I flew into a rage. I grabbed the catfish that he fried, picked it up, and threw it on him. (Victoria, I know you are rolling on the floor laughing because I am laughing while I am typing this)! He chased me in the bedroom, and I went Bernadine on his ass (minus the gasoline and fire). I ripped every single piece of clothing he owns out of the closet and threw it on the floor (go on the floor)! I ran the bathtub and filled it up with water, then I threw some of his clothing in it (I hope his leather vest eventually dries). I went back to the kitchen and grabbed every single cleaning product I could find, but my husband had had enough. He pushed me in the closet and I damn near knocked the ironing board down. Every time I tried to stand up, he pushed me back down. Oh, did I mention that our son was oblivious to everything that was going on because he was in the living room watching and imitating the Power Rangers? Anyway, we scuffled for a little bit, and then I headed down to the basement to start getting his belongings and loading it on his pick-up truck. Again, my husband was not trying to hear this. I damn near destroyed the work bench that he built a few weeks ago (actually, it destroyed me because I still have that damn splinter in my pinkie). After this fiasco, I broke down crying and told him that I was done. I told him that I couldn't take it anymore and that I wanted I lout. I accused him of being in love with his ex, and I asked him to leave, and of course he refused. He kept telling me to call the police, and I couldn't help but think that this would have been a classic episode of C.O.P.S. (I've been captured by the Germans). He knows I wouldn't call the police on him unless it was absolutely necessary. My mother called in the midst of it all, and we both told her our sides of the story. My mother is not one to take sides, and she let us both know that we were wrong. After calming down, I snuck and ate some catfish, and took my husband's clothes out of the bathtub. I was so pissed that some of the clothes I had grabbed were my own, but oh well. I looked up and it was already 8:15 p. m. I had to lay down and take a nap before work, but of course I tossed and turned and kept calling my husband in the bedroom so that we could talk. Our son was passed out, and although my husband and I talked, we both still felt so empty inside. I left for work in a raging storm. I was actually about 15 minutes late (along with everyone else) but the weather was treacherous. I called my husband once I arrived in my housing unit and we talked for a little over an hour. He told me that he loves me with all of his heart and he wants our marriage to work out. He also told me that he absolutely does not love his ex, and I know that he doesn't. The bottom line is that I need to let go of the past. Yes, she said those horrible things to me, but that just mimics the type of person that she is. I think another thing that bothers me is that I wanted my husband to go to bat for me after I informed him of what she said to me. I know that he asked her why she said those things to me, and for years she denied it. When she finally admitted to him why she said those things, she said that it was because she was upset. But damn? I could see if I harmed someone that she was close to or disfigured her face. I didn't expect my husband to hate her for saying that, but I think he could have gotten on her case a lot more than what he did, seeing as though I was his best friend. And for years, every time they did something together (all of the cruises, trips to Florida, New York, Cancun, etc.) I could help but felt a twang of hurt in my heart because it seemed like they both moved on with their lives without so much as a thought of me and how her words affected me. But it's okay, because I believe that I will eventually be able to say that I got the last laugh. And after all that my husband did for her, after six months of marriage, she showed him the door. Another example of her heartlessness is that she cussed my husband out the day that he found out that his mother had died from complications due to a car accident because no one informed her of the date of her funeral, which was held two days previous to their conversation. If she couldn't reach my husband to inquire about the funeral, she could have contacted any one of his sisters or his brother, since they supposedly love her so much. But no one was thinking about her, and I think that is why she got so angry. She wanted to be at the forefront of every ones mind, but that is no longer the case. Oh well. She was just mad about not going because she wanted to steal the show, but she ended up exactly where she should have been all along...at home. I refuse to let her bog me down anymore. Enough is enough. I am married to a wonderful man, a man that she no longer had a need for. I know that I have gotten over the words that she said to me, but I just have to get over cringing every time I hear her name.
I love my husband, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work and last. I know that the odds are against us, and being married is the hardest thing I have ever done besides watching my baby fight for his life in an incubator.
Everything is going to work itself out, I"m sure of it. Now, I'm hoping that when our son takes his nap later on this afternoon, and before my husband ventures off to work, I can do a nice rodeo number on him, and he can slide me to the edge of the bed. I'm sure all of that will happen once I pick his clothes up off of the floor!!! LMBO!!! Till next time.............
The next night, Friday night, was awesome for my husband and I. We had an extremely passionate love making session. He loves when I am on top of him, and I love it just as much. And afterwards, even when we both are dog tired, he still slides me to the edge of the bed, gets down on his knees, and, well, you know (sorry for t.m.i.)! LOL! But it was fantastic. It is nothing like making love so good to the point where you feel like or actually start crying. Unfortunately the next morning all hell broke loose. I'm not even sure what happened. My husband has a habit of asking me what is wrong every five minutes if I happen to be quiet. Granted, we both love to talk, but sometimes I feel like being quiet. He'll keep asking me and asking me what is wrong, and each time I tell him nothing, but my answers are never good enough for him. We went and had breakfast with our son, did a little shopping, and returned home. I did my hair, and he cut our son's hair. Our son and I took a nice nap while my husband went to the grocery store. When I woke up, my husband was cooking dinner. He was frying catfish, and although I love catfish, I wasn't in the mood for it at the time, so I fixed a sandwich. Of course this made my husband upset. So the next thing I know, I go to take a bite of the sandwich, and my husband picks it up and throws it in the garbage. Okay, I am a sucker for fried red link sandwiches, so when he did this, I flew into a rage. I grabbed the catfish that he fried, picked it up, and threw it on him. (Victoria, I know you are rolling on the floor laughing because I am laughing while I am typing this)! He chased me in the bedroom, and I went Bernadine on his ass (minus the gasoline and fire). I ripped every single piece of clothing he owns out of the closet and threw it on the floor (go on the floor)! I ran the bathtub and filled it up with water, then I threw some of his clothing in it (I hope his leather vest eventually dries). I went back to the kitchen and grabbed every single cleaning product I could find, but my husband had had enough. He pushed me in the closet and I damn near knocked the ironing board down. Every time I tried to stand up, he pushed me back down. Oh, did I mention that our son was oblivious to everything that was going on because he was in the living room watching and imitating the Power Rangers? Anyway, we scuffled for a little bit, and then I headed down to the basement to start getting his belongings and loading it on his pick-up truck. Again, my husband was not trying to hear this. I damn near destroyed the work bench that he built a few weeks ago (actually, it destroyed me because I still have that damn splinter in my pinkie). After this fiasco, I broke down crying and told him that I was done. I told him that I couldn't take it anymore and that I wanted I lout. I accused him of being in love with his ex, and I asked him to leave, and of course he refused. He kept telling me to call the police, and I couldn't help but think that this would have been a classic episode of C.O.P.S. (I've been captured by the Germans). He knows I wouldn't call the police on him unless it was absolutely necessary. My mother called in the midst of it all, and we both told her our sides of the story. My mother is not one to take sides, and she let us both know that we were wrong. After calming down, I snuck and ate some catfish, and took my husband's clothes out of the bathtub. I was so pissed that some of the clothes I had grabbed were my own, but oh well. I looked up and it was already 8:15 p. m. I had to lay down and take a nap before work, but of course I tossed and turned and kept calling my husband in the bedroom so that we could talk. Our son was passed out, and although my husband and I talked, we both still felt so empty inside. I left for work in a raging storm. I was actually about 15 minutes late (along with everyone else) but the weather was treacherous. I called my husband once I arrived in my housing unit and we talked for a little over an hour. He told me that he loves me with all of his heart and he wants our marriage to work out. He also told me that he absolutely does not love his ex, and I know that he doesn't. The bottom line is that I need to let go of the past. Yes, she said those horrible things to me, but that just mimics the type of person that she is. I think another thing that bothers me is that I wanted my husband to go to bat for me after I informed him of what she said to me. I know that he asked her why she said those things to me, and for years she denied it. When she finally admitted to him why she said those things, she said that it was because she was upset. But damn? I could see if I harmed someone that she was close to or disfigured her face. I didn't expect my husband to hate her for saying that, but I think he could have gotten on her case a lot more than what he did, seeing as though I was his best friend. And for years, every time they did something together (all of the cruises, trips to Florida, New York, Cancun, etc.) I could help but felt a twang of hurt in my heart because it seemed like they both moved on with their lives without so much as a thought of me and how her words affected me. But it's okay, because I believe that I will eventually be able to say that I got the last laugh. And after all that my husband did for her, after six months of marriage, she showed him the door. Another example of her heartlessness is that she cussed my husband out the day that he found out that his mother had died from complications due to a car accident because no one informed her of the date of her funeral, which was held two days previous to their conversation. If she couldn't reach my husband to inquire about the funeral, she could have contacted any one of his sisters or his brother, since they supposedly love her so much. But no one was thinking about her, and I think that is why she got so angry. She wanted to be at the forefront of every ones mind, but that is no longer the case. Oh well. She was just mad about not going because she wanted to steal the show, but she ended up exactly where she should have been all along...at home. I refuse to let her bog me down anymore. Enough is enough. I am married to a wonderful man, a man that she no longer had a need for. I know that I have gotten over the words that she said to me, but I just have to get over cringing every time I hear her name.
I love my husband, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work and last. I know that the odds are against us, and being married is the hardest thing I have ever done besides watching my baby fight for his life in an incubator.
Everything is going to work itself out, I"m sure of it. Now, I'm hoping that when our son takes his nap later on this afternoon, and before my husband ventures off to work, I can do a nice rodeo number on him, and he can slide me to the edge of the bed. I'm sure all of that will happen once I pick his clothes up off of the floor!!! LMBO!!! Till next time.............
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Whoo Wee!
Wow, it's been a minute since I have typed a blog. Between marital life, motherhood, employment, and school, my life is a tornado right now. But, I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to take it all in stride. I am adjusting amazingly well to working at night again. My husband and my family are such a tremendous help for me. If I didn't have them I would truly be lost.
I love my husband so much. We have our ups and downs, but he means the world to me. Initially it was hard when we first married because I believe a few of his family members had and probably still have issues with me because they were so close to his ex. But do you know what I say to that? Frick it (excuse the profanity). I'm his wife now. His stupid ass ex is the one who threw him out. And they have absolutely no say so in our marriage. I truly hate stating that anyone is jealous of me because they have no reason to be. However, for people to be ugly to you for no reason? One can't help but think that. I feel better and better every day concerning his ex. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how she used him all of those years. And that bitch had the nerve to cuss him out two days after he buried his mother because she didn't get an invite to the funeral. She is a has been, and I pray for her as well because she has done ALOT of wrong and harm to those around her. I also don't like saying what goes around, comes around, but it is so true. I promise if I ever saw her I would punch her in her face and walk to the jail myself. My husband and I are moving forward in our lives. We are continuing to become closer and closer to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. We constantly pray for our children, our families, and our loved ones, that they are saved and strive to live a life according to God's will.
My little man is growing before our very eyes. I cannot believe that he is the same baby that was confined to an incubator for the first three weeks of his life. Whoever does not believe that there is a God is on some other ish. My husband and I have just about wrapped up the adoption process for Little Man. Little Man's biological father (excuse me while I vomit) signed and faxed in his portion of the paperwork. I say good riddance, because he will live to regret the way he treated not only me, but Little Man as well. He wanted me to abort Little Man when I was five months along. However, by May, Little Man should be carrying my husband's last name. That will be an extremely emotional day for us, but we are anticipating it so much.
I have decided that law enforcement is NOT for me, and I will be changing my major to Education. I am eager to teach children and I hope that I can prevent them from making many of the costly mistakes that the adults I see each night have made. I am halfway there, and I believe that I will cross the finish line if I can stay focused. I am so sick of writing essays but I know that it is going to pay off in the end. I failed my Anthropology class because I didn't do my research paper. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And you know what? I was okay with it. I'll just re-take the class again. I've learned that worse things can and will happen besides me failing Anthropology. It didn't even hurt when I went from a 3.6 GPA to a 2.9. I will bring that back up in no time.
Tomorrow makes three months that I have not had a relaxer. I am learning how to love my hair. I am exploring new styles and hair products, and I am learning HOW to take care of my hair. This is an exciting but tedious adventure for me. I am confident that I am in this for the long haul. It hasn't sunk in yet that I might have officially said good-bye to relaxers.
Well, my father and mother have officially reconciled, although I'm unsure of the outcome of this reconciliation. My father mentioned night before last that it seems as though my mother has not changed, and I'm still scratching my head on why this is such a revelation to him. I'm not sure if my mother does not enjoy cooking or simply does not desire to learn how to cook different dishes, but if she hasn't done that in 36 years, I don't see how my father can expect her to do it now. My mother will cook the basics such as beef stew, spaghetti, and fried chicken, but she doesn't prepare dishes from scratch and she does not bake. But this should not come as a surprise to my father. It has always been this way. I am in no way coming down on my mother because she is a wonderful person. The kitchen just isn't one of her "things" like it is mine. I have decided that when I cook I will cook a little extra for them to lessen the pressure off of my mother and make my father happy. I hope they will be okay whether they stay together or not. My father says that he is in it for the long haul, but he has said this a thousand times and left a thousand times also. Additionally, my father has a lot of faults of his own. He has been drinking since November of 2009, and he just has the appearance that he is not taking care of himself. Before then, my father had not taken a drink in many, many years. I love my parents more than I could ever say, but I just don't know sometimes. I continuously pray and hope that everything turns out for the best.
I am getting a very heavy heart and a large lump in my throat because my sister is going on deployment in June. I have gotten so used to her being stationed in Atlanta that I don't know what I am going to do. She will be gone until December, but I wish that she didn't have to go. When she returns from Kuwait she will be stationed in South Carolina, which isn't too bad, but I wish that she could stay here. However, they are closing her base so South Carolina was the next best and closest alternative. It's okay, but four years from now, she will be retired and will be home for good, God willing.
I'm not sure where my brother and his wife are in their divorce proceedings. I am so disappointed in the both of them. My brother's wife acts as though the children are a burden to her, and that she doesn't want to be bothered with them. However, I love her to death, and she will always be a sister to me. For some reason I feel sorry for her. Initially, it seemed as though my brother was going to step up and become a superdad, but that didn't happen. He supposedly has a new love interest, this chick my father says looks like a moose who lives in Louisiana. She is 33, recently divorced, and has four children. They have been communicating with each other via Facebook for a little while, but they had never met each other until weekend before last. They met each other half-way in Mobile, Alabama and spent the weekend together. I worried about him the entire time because people are crazy, and I didn't know if she was going to set my brother up and have him robbed, or if she was actually a he. Hey, you never know. This world is sick. My brother said that they were not going to be intimate, but I find it hard to believe that it didn't happen. Maybe it didn't though, who knows. However, he needs to focus on his children because I will be damned if my niece and nephew ever feel as though they are being neglected. My husband and I will raise them before that happens.
Whew! I said a mouthful. I am going to try to commit to writing weekly updates, because if I don't, all of my blog posts will be this long and drawn out! Toodles!!
I love my husband so much. We have our ups and downs, but he means the world to me. Initially it was hard when we first married because I believe a few of his family members had and probably still have issues with me because they were so close to his ex. But do you know what I say to that? Frick it (excuse the profanity). I'm his wife now. His stupid ass ex is the one who threw him out. And they have absolutely no say so in our marriage. I truly hate stating that anyone is jealous of me because they have no reason to be. However, for people to be ugly to you for no reason? One can't help but think that. I feel better and better every day concerning his ex. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how she used him all of those years. And that bitch had the nerve to cuss him out two days after he buried his mother because she didn't get an invite to the funeral. She is a has been, and I pray for her as well because she has done ALOT of wrong and harm to those around her. I also don't like saying what goes around, comes around, but it is so true. I promise if I ever saw her I would punch her in her face and walk to the jail myself. My husband and I are moving forward in our lives. We are continuing to become closer and closer to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. We constantly pray for our children, our families, and our loved ones, that they are saved and strive to live a life according to God's will.
My little man is growing before our very eyes. I cannot believe that he is the same baby that was confined to an incubator for the first three weeks of his life. Whoever does not believe that there is a God is on some other ish. My husband and I have just about wrapped up the adoption process for Little Man. Little Man's biological father (excuse me while I vomit) signed and faxed in his portion of the paperwork. I say good riddance, because he will live to regret the way he treated not only me, but Little Man as well. He wanted me to abort Little Man when I was five months along. However, by May, Little Man should be carrying my husband's last name. That will be an extremely emotional day for us, but we are anticipating it so much.
I have decided that law enforcement is NOT for me, and I will be changing my major to Education. I am eager to teach children and I hope that I can prevent them from making many of the costly mistakes that the adults I see each night have made. I am halfway there, and I believe that I will cross the finish line if I can stay focused. I am so sick of writing essays but I know that it is going to pay off in the end. I failed my Anthropology class because I didn't do my research paper. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And you know what? I was okay with it. I'll just re-take the class again. I've learned that worse things can and will happen besides me failing Anthropology. It didn't even hurt when I went from a 3.6 GPA to a 2.9. I will bring that back up in no time.
Tomorrow makes three months that I have not had a relaxer. I am learning how to love my hair. I am exploring new styles and hair products, and I am learning HOW to take care of my hair. This is an exciting but tedious adventure for me. I am confident that I am in this for the long haul. It hasn't sunk in yet that I might have officially said good-bye to relaxers.
Well, my father and mother have officially reconciled, although I'm unsure of the outcome of this reconciliation. My father mentioned night before last that it seems as though my mother has not changed, and I'm still scratching my head on why this is such a revelation to him. I'm not sure if my mother does not enjoy cooking or simply does not desire to learn how to cook different dishes, but if she hasn't done that in 36 years, I don't see how my father can expect her to do it now. My mother will cook the basics such as beef stew, spaghetti, and fried chicken, but she doesn't prepare dishes from scratch and she does not bake. But this should not come as a surprise to my father. It has always been this way. I am in no way coming down on my mother because she is a wonderful person. The kitchen just isn't one of her "things" like it is mine. I have decided that when I cook I will cook a little extra for them to lessen the pressure off of my mother and make my father happy. I hope they will be okay whether they stay together or not. My father says that he is in it for the long haul, but he has said this a thousand times and left a thousand times also. Additionally, my father has a lot of faults of his own. He has been drinking since November of 2009, and he just has the appearance that he is not taking care of himself. Before then, my father had not taken a drink in many, many years. I love my parents more than I could ever say, but I just don't know sometimes. I continuously pray and hope that everything turns out for the best.
I am getting a very heavy heart and a large lump in my throat because my sister is going on deployment in June. I have gotten so used to her being stationed in Atlanta that I don't know what I am going to do. She will be gone until December, but I wish that she didn't have to go. When she returns from Kuwait she will be stationed in South Carolina, which isn't too bad, but I wish that she could stay here. However, they are closing her base so South Carolina was the next best and closest alternative. It's okay, but four years from now, she will be retired and will be home for good, God willing.
I'm not sure where my brother and his wife are in their divorce proceedings. I am so disappointed in the both of them. My brother's wife acts as though the children are a burden to her, and that she doesn't want to be bothered with them. However, I love her to death, and she will always be a sister to me. For some reason I feel sorry for her. Initially, it seemed as though my brother was going to step up and become a superdad, but that didn't happen. He supposedly has a new love interest, this chick my father says looks like a moose who lives in Louisiana. She is 33, recently divorced, and has four children. They have been communicating with each other via Facebook for a little while, but they had never met each other until weekend before last. They met each other half-way in Mobile, Alabama and spent the weekend together. I worried about him the entire time because people are crazy, and I didn't know if she was going to set my brother up and have him robbed, or if she was actually a he. Hey, you never know. This world is sick. My brother said that they were not going to be intimate, but I find it hard to believe that it didn't happen. Maybe it didn't though, who knows. However, he needs to focus on his children because I will be damned if my niece and nephew ever feel as though they are being neglected. My husband and I will raise them before that happens.
Whew! I said a mouthful. I am going to try to commit to writing weekly updates, because if I don't, all of my blog posts will be this long and drawn out! Toodles!!
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